AlreadyDead (psykoboy2) wrote,

Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of (9/17/2000 - 10/7/2001) :::Part VIII::: *Entries 3 & 4 of 6*

Sunday, September 16, 2001

"There will never be world peace as long as religion exists."

I was debating on whether or not I should mention the events which took place on Tuesday, September 11, 2001. On one hand I see it as following a trend that almost everyone else has done, but then again, I started this thing talking about my life and what goes on it and in my mind and well, it can't be avoided, even if I wanted to avoid it. My week hasn't been the same since it happened and I doubt yours has as well. Everyone's saying that life forever has changed as we know it. So far for me, the only thing that has changed is that I am a little bit more up on current events and not a day goes by that I haven't thought of the event.

Call me a sicko, but I've been searching the net a ton for video of people jumping from the towers that day. Why? Well, I heard it was out there and I have yet to find it, which seems to only fuel my desire to see the footage. And maybe now it isn't so much a desire to see the footage as it is to just find it. Guess I'll know if I ever find it. I'll also admit that I have found some of the angles of the plane crashing into the second tower to be extremely cool. But in the movie sense of the word. I mean, all of it seems to be taken from a movie, and in that respect, yeah, there are some cool shots and explosions, but I am human. Once I get pass the fact that yeah, the video looks cool, I also get sad. Who wouldn't? I've imagined countless times of the people, both on the planes and in the towers, and how they must have felt or what they must have felt. And those who were stuck on the floors above, looking out the window unaware of their fate. What went through the minds of those who decided to jump. Debate went around the office that morning where I work about which would you do: burn to death or jump? Although thinking back on it now, the third option I suppose would be to stay and go down with the ship. Anyway, that day, the majority said they would have jumped. I'm not so sure myself. There was really no surviving either way. With my fascination of flight, I probably would have jumped. So, in that sense, I tried to put myself in that situation and that height I don't think I could have done it. Then I wonder how those who did do it, actually came to that decision. We'll never know, of course, because none of them survived. The amount of death there must be staggering. Body parts here and there. It's 100 times worse than anything they are showing on television, I promise you that. Call me sicko that I think of these things, but then again, I did say I was human.

I suppose I should move on to a more light hearted topic to write about. And I came damn near close in doing so, but I think I should leave what is here as it is. I'll keep that topic on hand though and use it tomorrow or whenever I can get back and write more. Just to give you a hint, I'll be writing about some people I work with, some people I've met through work, and myself of course. Well, that's the plan anyway, unless something else happens.

Saturday, September 22, 2001

"Think about how hard it is to change yourself and then you'll realize what little chance you have of changing others."

I feel like this is forced. There's been many times this week when I've felt like writing and put it off due to the fact that I had to get up early the next morning. So, of course, when I actually have the time, I really don't feel like writing. I honestly think you have to feel like writing in order to do this. You can't force it, otherwise it won't come out very good, or so I've noticed with myself. I'm going to try and keep this as free thought as possible, but it may or may not happen. I guess we'll see.

I had this entire weekend off. Well, at least I thought that before Friday. See, I work for two stations and on one of those stations I am completely prerecorded. In other words, I'm never actually in the studio when I'm on the air. Well, in order for me to do that and sound like I am in there, I need to know what songs are playing and when. In order for that to happen, someone has to schedule the music so I can print out the log and record my shift. Well, on Friday, no one had scheduled music for the following Sunday & Monday. Which meant that one day on my weekend off, I was going to have to come to the station and work. The blame for this is a guy named Chase. To say that name now rings a bell of...not really hate, but disgust maybe, or frustration. I'm not sure. Either way, he doesn't sit well with me. Nor does he sit too well with others at the station I have come to find out. It's not that anyone there hates him, it's just that we're all tired of his shit, honestly. He's the type of guy who never wants to believe that anything is his fault, unless it's a good idea or something. In a way, he's like my father. He can never admit his faults. There's other things about him as well. His ego is very big. I'm all for people looking at themselves in a positive light, but this guy's got a flood light shining on him. Anyway, he's on his way out...maybe. I don't really feel like talking about work too much. In fact, all of a sudden, I've gotten rather sleepy.

I'm going to wrap up this day with a few words about my friends. I love the ones I've got. All of them. I really miss the ones I've lost. I also miss the ones who have left. I never thought I'd see it happen, but Ben is leaving. Evil Ben. He's moving north. Lucky bastard got into a film school up there somewhere. I really am gonna miss that guy. Someone I consider one of my very closest friends. Actually, a lot of the people I knew from Blockbuster are leaving soon or have left already. Kerstin will be gone soon as well. Course, as it seems to be with me, with every new job or turn in the road of life, I meet a whole new group of people and fall right in to where I have always been. Surrounded by a great bunch of people. People I consider not only as friends, but yes, cliched as it

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