AlreadyDead (psykoboy2) wrote,

On The Subject Of Being Calm....

I'm calm. Composed - most of the time. Now, calm doesn't mean relaxed because I really can't tell you that I am often relaxed...but I am calm. I don't know if you know me well enough to know that; have spent enough time with me or talked to me enough to know any of that, but that's the case. I also don't know what life experience brought me around to that or what day I woke up and decided that being calm would be my mood from here on out - I don't know how it came to be, but that's the case.

Being calm; this calm, changes you. I don't know zen or practice any type of meditation but I can say that very little gets under my skin. I suppose it could have started with the death of my mother and then really showed itself with the death of my father. However, if I look at it that way them I am completely perplexed with what happened when my dog died. Hell, from the looks of things you'd think it was worse than both of my parents. But anyway....

Being this calm affords me a few things. I don't know what they are, but I can look at others going through similar situatons at the time and see that they are letting whatever it is get to them and under their skin. I can tell you it isn't healthy and that these same people think that it's supposed to be this way in order to get through their crisis of the moment - when it's really not. Yet, I get looks from others and they wonder why I don't care when I really do. I do care, and it's important to me, but I won't run in circles and get worked up over it. I'll think it through and try to find a solution. Problems are only as big as you make them. When, of course, we're talking about life's little curve balls. Murder and the like are a bit different as they are pretty big.

I offer no advice about being calm or about changing the way you deal with things. No one told me and something like this is probably learned more than it's told.

I think life is easier this way. For me it is. I'm calm, not uncaring. I'm calm, not ignoring. I'm calm, not "silently mad". I'm just being me - that's all.
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