AlreadyDead (psykoboy2) wrote,

It's started to rain. This should last a good while. And it'll be nice to fall asleep to. The bed being right there under the open window that is under the metal/tin patio awning where the rain makes most of it's noise.

You remember that, don't you? Did it even ever rain while you were here. I think it did. It rained as we drove in, stopping long enough to unpack a few things - and I think it rained again a bit while you packed before leaving.

I watched the film "Closer" tonight. Really good film I think. A little confusing to follow at times, but still...a very good film. A few moments remind me of my own. And that song in there is really good as well.

I really think I hate my life no.

Not my life. Let me start/end again.

I really think I hate what I have let me body to become. A slight pain in my arm and I think, "Jesus, is this where it's going to happen? When it does, will I be able to call for help? Will there be enough time?"

And then they'll say that I brought it upon myself. Looking at photos of how big I kept getting over time. On the fast track to a death trap.

And if you can step away and look at yourself from the observation that you have died an early death and see the reasons for doing so, you can start to think that it could have all been avoided had you taken better care of yourself. What's a little bit of that compared to the rest of your living life?

The rain stopped. So much for my opening words.
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