I typed this entry once before, cept I hit a button on this thing that completely cleared what I had written...no way of getting it back without just remembering what I had written before...so, what follows is that attempt.
Good luck to me.
As I was saying, I'm sitting here typing this entry on a mac. Weird. Not weird like freakish or something. Just weird cause it feels different. I mean, I'm typing this from home, but not even in the same room that I normally do such updates from nor on a computer that I do it from either. I've actually updated on a mac before cause my uncle owns one, but this is an iMac...and the keyboard just feels different.
The mointor sits to the left hand side of me and before me, on the wall above, is a large, framed picture of Tori Amos. Below that on the same desk as this Mac are dolls, still in the package of Enid and Rebecca of "Ghost World" fame.
In front of that is a small picture frame holding a picture of Kelly and I kissing. It was taken on the last day...damn near the last moment of her first visit here. It wasn't our first kiss, but it might as well symbolize it and what it turned into.
We love each other. We really do. I can see that so clearly sometimes. It's just one of those things you look back on and seem to say, "Hmm...who knew?"
In front of that picture is another smaller frame holding a picture of her daughter. To the right of the picture of us kissing is another picture of her daughter. And to the right of that, near the edge of the desk, sitting in front of a small, pretty lamp, is yet another picture of her daughter.
"She misses her daughter, that's for certain."
Her workplace is a lot more well organized than mine, although that is all about to change as I bought a new computer. I just have to wait for the parts to get here and for it to be put together. It's a really nice place though that she has here with her computer and all. Very relaxing and comforting. Then again, maybe that's just this music, and my mood.
Kelly looked beautiful today when I came home. She always looks amazing when I come home from work having not seen her most of the day. A very big breath of fresh air to come home to. I came in and she mentioned that she had read my journal entry previous to this one and started talking about it and I started to cry.
"The thought of all the stupid things I'd done."
She's outside now, having a smoke and going through her sticker collection to put up another auction on ebay. $20 bucks for stickers, man....that's like one DVD.
We are now going freestyle as I have caught up to where I made my earlier mistake.
She's close to getting a job, which will help out a lot in that she'll start having extra money so she can actually get out of this house from time to time and get things she needs. It isn't that I don't buy her things, it's just that during the day, I don't leave behind any cash or anything for her so she's kinda stranded. She opened up a checking account today with some money I put in there for her. I'd say things are becoming more to her liking, but I don't really know to be honest.
The thunder outside is really loud...the wind seems to be blowing and there is some rain. The weather never really affects my mood. Does it for you?
I feel like I am missing something, but there really was nothing to miss before...unless it was my solitude.
I sometimes enjoyed that solitude, but for the most part, I would want to be doing something with others and I am now. I haven't lost any friends out of Kelly moving in with me. Other than the fact that she lives with me, nothing much has changed in my life. And that's nice. I mean, her moving in was a big change, but it didn't change those things that revolve around me, ya know?
I've opened her up to new things...mostly involving television. The wonders of "Six Feet Under" and "The Shield". The non-reality of the reality shows "Big Brother" & "The Amazing Race", not to mention "Project Greenlight". Then of course, there's the humor and fun of "Sex & The City". And it's only the summertime...we still have the new fall seasons and shows on the horizon.
I know that sounds trivial and well, just rather empty as some people think that television is just evil and no good for anyone. But oh well, fuck them, ya know?
Some people don't give television enough credit and I could take those nay-sayers and sit them in front of a television and show the entire first season of any of those shows I mentioned above...save maybe some of the reality programs and have them hooked like it was fucking crank.
Kelly is now inside making us dinner.
I should probably repeat that more for me than anyone else.
She is now inside making us dinner. That's a big thing folks. Since she has been visiting me, I've never had a dinner made for me at home since the early months of my mothers death...and maybe when my father died and my aunt was living with me for a while. But all of that is going to lead me into a road of discussion that I would rather not go down at this time. Besides....it's almost time to eat, and I've said my piece/peace for the night.