Sunday, November 25, 2001
-Narrator in the film "Simon Birch"
Time, it seems, has never been good to me. You'd think that one month later and I would have a lot to chime in on, but I don't. Course, I say that now and pretty soon something will ooze out of this mind and onto these fingertips and words will form......then form sentences and so on and so forth till something, hopefully, worth reading appears on the screen. Hard to know where to start though when I have these long breaks. True, things have happened, but where to begin with them. That's a struggle in and of itself.
By now, my birthday and others as well have come and gone. I've missed them, I'm sure. I know I missed a few people. I missed Ben's, Chris', and as well another girl I know whom I have yet to mention. I'll be keeping it that way for now. Anyway, I can't keep track of anything it seems. As of late work has really taken over my life. There were so many things I used to do. I used to sleep and that still happens, occasionally. I also used to write and I don't know how often anymore I'll be getting a chance to do so, but I don't do this unless I want to anyway so that helps. I also did a newsletter and that seems to be fleeting as well. Picture time as a very fast moving vehicle that has tied me to it and won't let me off. Driving me by all of these things...these points that I need to stop at and check in with, but it doesn't let me. It just keeps on truckin'. I hardly had time for Thanksgiving.
Even that holiday seemed to be tied up along with me for the ride. It came and went so fast for me. I guess cause I had to get up and work the next morning...who knows? It went by so fast that I find myself forgetting it ever happened. And I get surprised by seeing all the Christmas decorations. Then it hits me how close I am to what could be one of the worst days of my life, next to the deaths of my parents.
Christmas scares me this year. I don't have to explain why. And it inches ever so closer and so does the end of another year. The speed of all of this is really what scares me. Time for me is just flying and I honestly can't figure out why. I mean, I realize there is no speed on time. It moves the same for everyone...one of the only constants that exists in this world is the concept of time. I could go on and on about that, but I'm not much up for it tonight. I can already see that I am rambling with my thoughts. I wish I could just stay focused on one simple subject, but even that seems difficult for some reason. Guess I'll try a new way of tackling these big gaps in my writing. Here goes:
Me & Melissa: I suppose with the current events, I shouldn't even put us together like that as we rarely speak or see each other. We spoke for a while on the phone in the early hours of the morning on Halloween. Honestly, I enjoyed that talk. Got a few things off our chests I guess. I dunno. I hope it helped things. Guess it couldn't make them any worse. We ended that conversation with the hopes that she and I would call each other more often. We don't. She's still someone I think about on a day to day basis. I had hoped that possibly I'd get over that, but I think she's infected me as Meagan has, although perhaps not as strong. But it's there. She might know that, maybe not. Sometimes I think it best that I just never talk to her anymore, but I don't see that as a good or bad thing. I'm still going to think of her and wish it was I who is on her mind and in her heart. But things cannot always be as we'd like them to be. I've found that out many times over. I still love her. Still miss her. Still hope for happiness to find her. Perhaps it has.
My Love Life and My Life In General: Not much change on that front. It mainly consists of me working and sleeping. Although, I seem to have lost touch with a lot of good people in my life. I rarely go out anymore or see movies or anything. I did go to Las Vegas just last week. Spent the weekend there and saw U2. For me, seeing them live is like a religious experience. It cannot be explained. As for Vegas, not too impressive. Well, for me anyway. I think I like regular cities. Vegas was born out of tourism.....nothing seems to have originated there. Aside from people who work there, ask anyone else and you'll be hard pressed to find anyone who is actually from Las Vegas. Go to Chicago or Atlanta and yeah, you'll find people who aren't from there, but you'll find a lot more who are. Las Vegas is there for you and your money. Chicago and Atlanta are there because they earned it. They couldn't care less about you or your money. It may seem ridiculous that I am talking about these places so passionately, but you'd have to understand my love for the city of Chicago...as well as Atlanta.
As for U2. I'll save an entry devoted entirely to the show I saw in Las Vegas. To the experience I had, the tears I cried. The moments shared, and everything in between.
My Future: Who the fuck knows on this one? In the coming months I'll be seeing more friends leave. We seem to be all walking on this path and for a while it seemed as though it'd be like this the entire way through but along that road we'll come into forks and other pathways. Some marked to show us our way and some...well, some we just have to go with our gut. We keep walking, as time has forced us to do, without knowing what is to come and if we will see each other again down the road. In the back of our minds we know these things as they are happening, but we all have to do what we have to do. What's best for us. We leave each other with a smile, because leaving in tears is not the way you want your friends to remember you. Even if on the inside you just can't take seeing them go. But you do. They go, and it's accepted as such. It all just seems to go on without missing a beat. But you're left...missing a friend. Time, it seems, has never been good to me.