AlreadyDead (psykoboy2) wrote,

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In case yer's Q & A time.

The other day I found my boyfriend in a bit of a compromising position. He was masturbating with a glove puppet. When I questioned him about it, he said that he found glove/sock puppets a turn on, and liked to masturbate with one on his wanking hand. He also says that he likes to wear the sock as a form of sheath, he enjoys the sensation of the material on his genitals.
Miss Shaw, York

Chris: Your boyfriend has all the classic signs of a fetish which is a kinky sexual attraction to objects or non-genital parts of the body which become viewed as sex symbols. In other words, your boyfriend gets the same sexual pleasure out of bashing the bishop with a cheesy sock as most red blooded males would get from kissing a gorgeous bird’s tits.

Most fetishists are men, and the commonest fetish objects are women’s clothing, especially shoes, panties (not necessarily soiled) and bras, and parts of the body such as feet. Most fetish-mongers masturbate while holding, rubbing or smelling the object of their obsession and, very often, contact with the fetish object is their preferred method of sexual arousal; so you might find yourself on the butt-end of a rather woolly condom in the not too distant future...

MissShaw, I’m afraid your boyfriend has deceived you:
I have seen this practice before, in Borneo. It is a kind of voodoo. Examine the glove puppet more closely... Does it resemble anyone who has recently wronged your boyfriend? When he masturbates with the doll and performs the incantation, the victim is compelled to hug big cocks. When he slips the doll onto his penis, this is known in voodoo as remote-control botting: maybe the voodoo is consensual? Examine your acquaintances for the telling combination of sheepish, happy smiling and a pained walk. Unfortunately sodomy is funny.


As the be all, and end all of sexual perversion and deviance, can you please help me out with a small problem. My girlfriend loves to stick her tongue up my arse, as I sit on her face. However, she is now beginning me to buy her ‘furniture’ in the shape of a toilet that she can lie under while I shit on her. How do couples like us stay clean from infections – and where the fuck do I buy a portable ‘throne’ for my missus. Mr Gibbs, Wiltshire

Corey Taylor
: Poop is not sexy. This is one of a few fetishes that truly repulses me. However, if that’s your thing, have a go at it. I suggest a healthy diet to avoid diphtheria and contacting a sex toy shop that has a customizing department.

Dan: Perhaps you could defecate onto a customised cellophane hammock slung across the bath, your girlfriend lying underneath it. As for infection listen, people like you are just dirt. I’m really glad we had this chat.

Chris Smith II(The Naked Scientists):
As a first step I would suggest buying her some antibacterial mouthwash. So called brown-showers are the preserve of fetishists who can only achieve sexual gratification by playing with, smelling or even tasting shit. As the fetish ‘matures’ it eventually becomes the only form of sexual stimulation that provokes orgasm. So you’d better keep packing in the All-Bran.
There is little risk of infection if the shit only goes on skin, but there is a very real threat to your health from shit going in your mouth – and an even bigger threat to your carpet. The safest bet is to use a ‘dental dam’ which is a small square sheet of latex that goes over the chocolate starfish and should stop your girlfriend from developing foetid breath or a dodgy infection.

As far as getting a portable throne goes they do a great line in commodes for incontinent coffin-dodgers which double as a tasteful looking seat on wheels and which would look just great, if not slightly suspicious, in your living room!


How does a female fuck a corpse? I am in no way into necrophilia, by the way. This question is posed out of pure curiosity. ANONYMOUS

Chris Smith
A US woman called Karen Greenlee made the news when she disappeared with a hearse and a body. When asked later how she made love to the dead man, she said, 'People think there has to be penetration for sexual gratification, which is bull! The most sensitive part of a woman is the front area and that’s what needs stimulation. There are different aspects of sexual expression: touchy-feely, 69, even holding hands. The body is just lying there but it makes me happy. The cold, the aura and the smell of death, it all contributes.' As necrophilia is not illegal in California, she was only charged with the theft of the hearse!


I've developed a fetish for men dressed up as slappers in mini-skirts and high-heeled boots, rolling around in mud. It started at a fancy dress party when my boyfriend tried to break up a fight and got pushed into a puddle of mud. Is this dangerous? JEANETTE

Miss Kitty
The fetish you're describing sounds like erotic defilement. Don't be too alarmed, as mysophilia - arousal from soiled clothing - is quite common, but more so among men. As with all sexual practices involving more than one person, it should always be consensual. My advice would be to sit down with your partner and get him to 'fess up to his filthiest sexual fantasies and see if he's open to indulging you. Failing that, remind him that mud helped make Arnie invincible in Predator. No danger should present itself unless you're planning on submerging him into a 50ft boy face down while you go and prepare Sunday lunch. As they say, everything in moderation. For info on mysophilia visit


I fantasise about women’s breasts growing and swelling so much that they burst through their clothes like a balloon being blown up. I’d like advice on whether I should indulge in this fantasy, and if so, where can I get information and reference material as my girlfriend has just left me and I’d like to share this fantasy with a like-minded future partner? TED

John Oliver, Comedian
You’re not right. You’re different and not in a good way. Whatever happened to the days when a marriage was consummated with a handshake and then you never had to see each other again? ‘’Have a wonderful life darling, if you need me I’ll be in the attic.’’ This ‘girlfriend’ you refer to is clearly the checkout girl you see in the supermarket three times a week to get your suicide-inducing shopping. She’s left to pursue a better job at Argos. Don’t follow her. Live your own life. Oh Christ, you are in a world of trouble. Go home, turn all the lights off, put a towel over your head and stare at the inside of the towel. Where can you get information and reference material? From the dark library of your twisted soul, monkey boy. Don’t ever write a letter like this again.

That is one point of view. The other is that I hope you find your ‘like-minded future partner’ and enjoy a pleasant life together. Your chances of finding this person are about 20-1. Don’t be disheartened, horses have won at longer odds.

A few years ago before I got married, me and a mate (also male) were knocking back a few ales, talking about sex and stuff – and how his missus doesn’t give him head. A few beers later we ended up sucking each other off. As you’d expect, nothing was ever said about it, I just carried on with my (heterosexual) life, but two years on since that event I find myself pining to please a man orally. Does this make me an occasional bisexual?
niall, london

Dr Chris Smith
: At one time people thought everything in life was either black or white - you were either gay or straight, just as people are male or female. Nowadays, most people view 'normality' as a spectrum, rather like height, with completely straight people at one end and homosexuals at the other. Between these two extremes lie individuals showing different degrees of these traits and it is only the rules of society that cause the majority of people to cluster at the 'straight' end of the spectrum. Most people, if they are being completely honest, will confess to at least having wondered what homosexual sex would be like, if they've not already experienced it.

My boyfriend and I indulge in S&M and he is now interested in suturing. Can you tell me more about what’s involved and what I’ll be expected to do?
Joanne, Kimberley

Miss Kitty
: I’m sure it’s just a turn of phrase, Joanne, but no-one should indulge in any sex play they are not comfortable with or feel that things are expected of them. That said, suturing involves sewing either male of female genitals or breasts into a temporary binding. The buzz being closing, restricting or hiding your business parts or creating a pseudo-castration where the skin of the scrotum is stretched around the penis and sewn shut. A dildo can be inserted under the stitches.

As with any practice that pierces the skin, hygiene is important and instruments, hands and the area to be pierced should be sterilised. Non-absorbable silk thread is easy to tie and size 00 cutting needles are good. Otherwise use sterilised stainless steel needles and prepackaged polyester thread.

There are essential arteries, nerves etc immediately under the skin which if punctured can result in lasting damage. This is a skilled procedure so it would be advisable to get instruction from someone experienced, say a dominatrix, before you start doing it yourself. For more information see Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices by Brenda Love

Is there something I can eat or take to build up sperm? I want to shoot a big load, but I seem to only shoot little loads. Ed the Ace, by email

: A quick survey with some porn players I'm acquainted with finds that clean living is your best bet to build up sperm, plus drinking lots of water. The majority of people are actually mildly dehydrated a lot of the time, which leads to less productive cum. Male porn stars eat lots of fruit and veg – particularly pineapple juice, which is said to make for delicious sperm – which again contain lots of liquid. Keep in mind that porn films may use a few special effects to help them along the way (although none of them mentioned this to Miss Kitty!) and most actors are only expected to shoot their load twice a day. Cutting back on the wankometer will also help build up your bank balance. The Porn Stud Handbook sounds right up your street and is available by post from Barely Decent, 8033 Sunset Blvd, Suite 851, Los Angeles, California, 90046, USA.

How do you give a woman multiple orgasms? Sam

Miss Kitty
: Miss Kitty would be one very rich li'l kittykat if she knew the definitive answer to a question which has troubled many a tomkat for centuries. Women don't come with instruction manuals and the jury's still out as to whether all women can experience multiple orgasms. People who've written books and made videos about it reckon all females can with the right partner, practice and atmosphere. But they would, wouldn't they? Don't tell her what you're up to. Saying, 'I want you to have a multiple orgasm and I'll be very disappointed if you don't,' is not a good idea. Plenty of teasing and foreplay is.

Women Who Love Sex by Gena Ogden provides a good crash course in the variety and depth of orgasms. Helping your partner hold back from cumming by prolonging the plateau stage of the orgasm is the first step. If you do manage to make her very, very happy don't assume the same techniques will always work. Her emotional state, your attitude, that curry you treated her to before bedtime – can all make or break you. And if you don't succeed, think of the fun you'll have trying.

A recent conversation with my boyfriend resulted in us becoming very aroused at the concept of dying as a result of extracting each other’s blood. It began very specific, focusing on the acts of licking, biting and sucking; however, as we explored the subject further I discovered it was not restricted to the practice of bloodletting, but the idea of toying with death in a sexual context with him. The idea of expiring in his sexual company does amazing things to me… is this the death instinct that Freud was banging on about, or are we just odd? Please help me – we’re getting worried!

: I once tried out the whole bite'n'scratch deal with an amazonian black woman and the closest thing I got to death was the actual blind fear of it… I have never been in more agony in my life! The bruises didn’t go away for about a fucking month and every time I see her now I just look at my shoes and feel very small. But anyway, whatever gets you on guys!! Just be careful, mm’kay?

Miss Kitty: Facts and figures are hard to come by, but looking at literature and what’s available on the net, what becomes clear is that you’re not alone in eroticising death. There are video companies who produce extremely fake killing movies like Necrobabes, websites dedicated to erotic snuff fiction, and chat channels where people can pretend to snuff each other out. In some cases it’s the idea of having sex with someone pretending to be dead that’s a turn on – and some go so far as to chill their bodies, dress their rooms up in funerary and lie back thinking of England without the slightest motion.

In other cases it’s the idea of causing the death that’s the turn on, and from your discussions it sounds like this is what aroused you and your partner. People who like snuff sex tend to enjoy things like erotic asphyxiation, blood-letting etc. Some of the arousal may be to do with fear – fear has a profound sexual effect on many people although they don’t often like to admit it. Who knows how it relates to Freud, he was pretty twisted anyway. Arousing as the idea is, acting it out is very often dangerous, unless it’s a form of play-acting, like the people who hang wreaths, dress in white, and lie waiting for their lovers to claim them. Rendering someone unconscious, say, is extremely dangerous, as is cutting.

It only takes a little too much pressure on the wrong artery to kill someone, and for this reason many people who practise forms of sex which, to an average person, appear rather violent, won’t touch things like erotic asphyxiation. Simply being unconscious can have effects on your health, and it’s certainly not something to get into lightly if the fantasies will do.

GREGORY M. GUIDRY: My friend says he read somewhere that the infamous criminal John Dillinger had a 26 inch penis which is preserved in the Smithsonian Institute. Can you verify this ridiculous claim? I say that it is only a myth.

SHERRI: The Russian Rasputin supposedly had quite a large penis. So much so that someone somewhere cut it off & preserved it. What was the penis size of Rasputin?

DR MIKE: Severed penises of the rich and famous. Now there's a subject we could mull over for hours.

It's pretty astonishing just how many legends of this sort are doing the rounds out there - and how few have any basis in fact. Napoleon is another good example; in the early 70s what was supposed to be the imperial pork sword was offered at Christies for auction – it was described in the catalogue as a 'dried, shirvelled object', measured less than 1", and failed to find a buyer, probably not least because there's no good evidence that the great dictator's dick ever was sliced from his body when he died. This particular shrunken schlong was eventually picked up by urologist John Lattimer of the Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center in the States and still resides in his private collection. (See this site for the full scoop on this particular story).

Anyway, Dillinger and Rasputin. The Mad Monk, who famously met his end in 1916 by being poisoned, bludgeoned, shot and finally drowned in the frozen river Neva, was a notorious libertine who certainly had more than his fair share of the Russian aristocracy. There's limited eyewitness evidence to confirm rumours that he was unusually endowed. His daughter Maria is reported to have said her dad's purple-headed womb broom measured 12 inches when flaccid, and 13 when erect, but she may have merely been passing on what she'd been told – after all, what sort of daughter has personal knowledge of those sort of details? And a Russian doctor named RR Vredin, who certainly did conduct an examination of Rasputin in 1914, wrote that his patient's hanging salad was actually small and shrivelled 'like that of a very old man'.

As to whether the holy man's bacon bazooka was severed after his murder - we think it's unlikely. A former Imperial chambermaid did pop up in Paris after the Revolution carrying a box containing what's described as 'a blackened, over-ripe banana more than a foot long', which she claimed was actually Rasputin's trouser Mauser. Her story was that the monk's assassins had sliced off the offending one-eyed zipper fish after finishing him off, and hurled it into a corner of the room, where she'd found it later. But it's an improbable story, partly because a severed spam javelin becomes shrivelled and dessicated in short order, and not least because Rasputin is supposed to have been still alive when he was chucked into the river by his assailants, and you'd have thought the guy would have bled to death while being carried from his murderer's apartment to the Neva if his pocket paste dispenser really was lying in a corner of the crime scene.

In short, the severed penis story is exactly the sort of legend that you'd expect to spring up about the premiere stud muffin of late imperial Russia, and we reckon it's no more than folklore.

Much the same can be said of the various tales concerning John Dillinger's lamb cannon. We can say for certain that Dillinger's dong is not in the Smithsonian, because the collection to which it supposedly belonged was transferred years ago to the Walter Reed Army Hospital. However, so far as is known there are no severed penises in the Reed collection either, nor in Philadelphia's Museum of Physiology, where some say it rests pickled in eucalyptus leaves and shrouded in a jar. In fact, there's really nothing to suggest that the gangster's genitals were actually removed after his death. It's possible, we suppose, but as with Rasputin's rhythm stick, the trouble with these sorts of relics is that even where they can be shown to exist, there's never any, er, firm evidence as to who the original owner actually was.

The truth about of Dillinger's alleged 26-inch (some say 28-inch) endowment is rather more interesting. Stories suggesting that Hoover's Public Enemy Number One had a princely porridge pom-pom have been doing the rounds for decades, certainly since the 1960s. But they can all be traced back to a newspaper photo showing the bank robber lying dead, his body partly covered with a sheet, his arms handcuffed together and resting on his pelvis, and one knee slightly raised. The resultant impressive under-sheet bulge does indeed make it appear that Dillinger packed a quite phenomenal goo gun, and tales of his two-foot three-piece suite all originated with this picture.

Gaz Watson: Why is the clitoris called a clitoris?.

The word comes from the Greek, kleitor, meaning an incline or hill and was originally used by the ancient Greeks to describe the labia of the female vagina. The anatomy of the clitoris was first described in 1559 by Renaldus Columbus of Padua, who was amazed that "so pretty a thing" could have been neglected for so long by previous explorers of the human body.

Seeing as it was widely believed that healthy conception would only come after an orgasm, it seems likely that people were well aware of the organ’s existence, but had yet to write about it. However, there are tales from later in the 16th century of English witch-finders considering it the ‘Devil’s Teat’ and using it as proof of a woman’s guiltiness, suggesting that perhaps we Brits were late developers.

LUPINSTEL: Just who the hell invented the vibrator... and what was she/he doing to invent it....the dirty bastard!!!

PAUL: The invention of the first vibrator is credited to a doctor in 1869 who patented the first "steam-powered massager". Doctors in those days treated hysterical women by bringing them to orgasm. Perhaps unsurprisingly, hysteria was a common complaint among Victorian women.

DR MIKE: That said, the historical record is clear that non-vibrating dildos have been around since the ancient Greeks, at least. At least one play which has survived from this period revolves around the comic antics that ensue when one upper-class Greek woman discovers her new leather dildo has been borrowed by a friend. And in their rather wonderful book Ancient Inventions, Peter James and Nick Thorpe point out that the Athenian lower classes (who couldn't afford expensive leather gear) used to do with baguettes baked in the shape of male genitalia.

______________________________ Sometimes my cum shoots out during ejaculation (1-2 feet) and other times it just dribbles out. Why does this happen, and how can I get it to always shoot out?

FIONA: Well, men come in all sorts of different ways.

After prolonged sexual abstinence most men can shoot up to 3 ft, but 7 to 10 inches is the average distance - what a great job, eh, measuring how far men spunk. Sounds like you're well above average on a good day. However any kind of irregularity in the urethra (the tube through which the sperm is carried to the end of the penis, also what you piss down) can cause the sperm to come out oddly. Pretty obviously, the more frequent the ejaculations, the more likely they are to lack force. So basically if you want to impress your girlfriend with a real gusher you'll have to abstain for a bit.

It's the muscles around the urethra contracting that force the spunk out, and the more violent their spasm, the more likely you are to be a shooter. Just as some women can contract the muscles of their vagina much more sharply than others, some men's urethral muscles are stronger developed than others. And, just in case you were wondering, most men ejaculate in three or four bursts, spaced an average 0.8 seconds apart, followed by some smaller, weaker contractions. So there.

PAT BOOKER: What exactly is felching?

FIONA: Well, there's so much (mis)information about the subject I began to doubt myself after I'd visited a few websites and read a few books but, my definition is completely straightforward. Felching is sucking cum out of someone's arse. Some people do it with a straw. Some people then pass it back and forth from their mouth to their partners and so on. Some just swallow it. It doesn't have to be your own cum but that's the way it usually works out. A largely gay practice, for some reason it has become confused with gerbilling, the semi-mythical practice of putting small animals up your arse for sexual stimulus.

RICHARD HEADLY: I heard recently of a woman who became pregnant by her own son after taking a bath in a tub he had recently masturbated in. Possible?

MIKE: Though just about feasible, this story is so improbable it's most likely to be an urban legend. To become pregnant in such a bizarre fashion, the woman would have had to take her bath very shortly after her son had vacated the tub (so the sperm was still fresh), washed herself in an extremely intimate way and been on the receiving end of a billions-to-one chance. (Many couples find it hard enough to conceive when the man is ejaculating well over half a million sperm a time into his partner, so you can imagine how unlikely it is that one managed to swim up her in the bath).

JAMES: That said, other women are said to have fallen pregnant in spectacularly odd circumstances. My fave story is of a woman from Lesotho who was born with a working reproductive system but a sealed vagina. In order to satisfy her partners, she developed her oral sex skills — until the day her husband caught her in flagrante with a mouthful of her lover's sperm. He was so enraged he stabbed her in the stomach — opening the stomach wall and allowing some of the ingested sperm to trickle down into her fallopian tubes.

And there have certainly been cases of infections being passed along by dirty baths. Women, with their shorter urethras, are especially susceptible. One, who was out at work all day, trained her poodle to piss in the bath — then wondered why she came down with a recurrent fungal infection.

AARON MALIN: Say, have there been any reports of people having sex in space? I'm sure someone with a lot of money has wanted to find out what would happen.

JAMES: Although NASA may have been the first to send a married couple into space, they get very coy if you ask them about doing the interstellar nasty, and claim that even Mark Lee and Jan Davis didn't get up to anything that would interrupt their orbital duties. The Russians, on the other hand, are not only more experimental, they're also a lot more forthcoming on the subject. We're told that in June 1982 cosmonaut Svetlana Savicka was blasted into orbital bliss on a Jaljut 7 with two colleagues who, in the best tradition of porn mag shoots, remain anonymous. The intention was to conceive a child in orbit, partly in the name of science, partly in the name of propaganda, but mostly in the name of boldly going where no man had gone before.

Obviously we've no way of verifying this, and the story comes from the Daily Mail so make up your own mind on how likely it is to be utter bollocks - but we'd like to think it was true.

CHRISTINE CALVERT: A friend of mine (honest!!) would like to know how many calories a female orgasm (the solitary, self-inflicted kind... get the picture?!!) burns up. She needs to lose about 5lbs....

CATHI: It is not easy to accurately forecast how many calories any activity burns up. You have to take into account your height, weight, body-fat percentage and the amount of time and vigour you are putting into any activity. I presume your friend is actually talking about the preliminary wanking involved, and providing she puts a frenzied amount of effort into it she might be able to pull off .045 calories per pound of her bodyweight per minute. Which means her arm is liable to fall off before she sees any substantial weight loss.

CAROLYN OUTHWAITE: What's a butt plug and why would you need one?

FIONA: A butt plug's like a short dildo, designed to go into the arsehole and stay there. They tend to have a collar at the base to stop the whole thing disappearing up your harris (unlike the vagina there's nothing to stop a foreign object disappearing into your digestive system if it slides beyond your sphincter. There's usually a narrower section around which your sphincter can close to keep the plug in place, and a broader swelling above it which gives the users a pleasing feeling of fullness (rather like the moment before you do a big shit which, depending on how your pleasure sensors are arranged, can be quite a nice experience).

People 'need' them because they find the feeling of having something filling their arse sexually stimulating. Remember there are a huge number of nerve endings clustered around your arsehole, making it a rich source of stimulation. Other common uses of butt plugs are to stop an enema being expelled, and to stretch the sphincter muscles to allow someone who's not used to it to be buggered painlessly.

GHETTOITE2: What was the biggest penis size in record?

DR MIKE: Most people seem to reckon 70s US porn star John Holmes was the proud owner of the largest dick on record. Holmes's fabled 14-inch endowment (which didn't stop him dying of AIDS-induced colon cancer 10 years or more ago) has become something of an article of faith amongst men who forget that more rubbish is talked about penis size than pretty much any other subject - particularly in the porn industry.

Actually, it's all, er, bollocks. There's no doubt Holmes was of above average size, but he had the advantage of a career which peaked in the 1970s, before the video boom. Audiences who saw couples having sex on the big screen - where a tight close-up might inflate the male star's penis to 20 or 25 feet in length - were apt to get a considerably exaggerated impression of the dimensions of the equipment on display.

The truth is fairly easy to establish from an analysis of surviving still photos. Holmes is reliably reported to have been about 6'2" tall, so a simple comparison of the length of his forearm with the length of his erect penis is enough to confirm he was significantly smaller than his claimed size - if Holmes was genuinely 14" then his forearms would have had to be two feet long. One American critic with technical drawing skills - who sounds like a man with way too much time on his hands - has used a couple of artist's tools, a Schaedler rule and a proportion wheel, to confirm the star's length at about 8 3/4". Other male porn actors whose penises are reported to be in the 10"-12" range are really 8" or less. And the wonderfully named freaks of Golden Age porn - King Dong and Long Dong Silver among them - wore prosthetics.

Sex researchers remain divided as to what really is the largest properly attested size attained by the adult male member. There are tales of encounters with penises up to 13" long, and such sizes are not beyond the bounds of possibility - but the largest medically attested penis on record appears to be one of 11 3/4", measured at the turn of the century (along the top, as all such comparatives should be) by a suspiciously dedicated French army medic who went by the catchy moniker 'Dr Jacobus X'. So you can stop feeling quite so inadequate now.

PHILLIP HARRISON: I always pondered this question but never found out. "How deep is the average vagina"? I ask this because no matter how big a knob is within porn vids, the wimmin seem to take it with no problem - even though the penis is well over average it never seems to occur that maybe someone's knob is just to big to fit.

DR. MIKE: It all depends — on the woman's height, and on her internal arrangements too.

Let's start with the basics. The vagina is a highly elastic organ which, if you could see it in its unaroused state, would look wrinkly as a granny's stockings. During sex it expands to accommodate whatever's inserted into it and - as observed previously on Ask Bizarre, that includes babies, so basically much as blokes like to fantasise that they're splitting their girl in two, it ain't likely to happen anytime soon. The expansion is both lengthways and widthways and it would appear — though empirical data is unsurprisingly lacking - that the maximum lengthways expansion is in excess of 15 inches. The largest recorded erect penis (Ask Bizarres passim) was under 14 inches, so technically you're right in thinking the average woman could accommodate the largest man.

But it's not as simple as that. The womb, which lies at the top of the vagina, is separated from it by the cervix, which closes the exit and helps to prevent the entry of unwanted and possibly infectious objects. It's the cervix which would form the barrier to any oversized organ or dildo, so the next thing to observe is that in certain circumstances it can open far enough to allow partial penetration of the womb and thus increase the female's carrying capacity. Generally, however, it will tend to get in the way unless there's room within the female abdomen for the womb itself to move and allow the vagina to expand.

This is the tricky bit, because we're really only going on the hearsay evidence of the girls around the Bizarre office, but it would appear not only that the amount of room for expansion depends on the sexual position you're using and that taller women - as you might expect - generally have more room inside, but also that girls of the same height have sufficiently different internal arrangements to make it possible for some very small women to accommodate large objects, and some taller ones to have very inflexible wombs. Our guess is that even the smallest girl's vagina will run to 8.5-9in in length, and some women will be able to expand to up to 15in, given sufficient arousal and the right sexual position.

Finally, don't be one of the drooling millions misled by porno flicks. Check out The Adult Movie FAQ for the skinny on why porn star penises look bigger than they are.
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